Releasing my fear to succeed

I have had something holding me back from trying hard to find my dream of being a writer. Most of it had been fear, fear of failing but also fear of succeeding. How is that possible? Well I'm not entirely sure. I know that I planned my life out when I was young. I would get good grades in high school go to college get a job working with computers and then marry, buy a house have two kids and then at some point retire become a teacher, travel and then die. Yes, that was my dream of my life from age 16. Most people might think that was sad but it was comforting to me. And guess what, I was pretty close. By age 29 I had a great job, house, two kids but I hated my marriage. And by age 30 the marriage was over and she took the kids leaving me with a job that wasn't as fufilling as before. My early success had taken me so far but it left me unhappy, failure and lose at lease gave me a chance to start over. I found a new partner and began new challenges and I decided I wanted to become a writer. But even that dream seems a bit of a reach. As I came closer to success it seemed more of a challenge. And it has become easier to stay stuck in my current job then to really push myself to be a writer. So I wait, and wait and see my promising years pass. But the other day my brain said, "I don't want to live in fear anymore!" So that is why I am blogging again. That is why I am going back to therapy and working on my mental blocks, that is why I am rereading old poems. Because I don't want to give up, I don't want fear to win. I want to at least give it a shot and know I failed trying rather than letting fear steal away my success. So this is the first of many steps ahead, but it's better than sitting around doing nothing being afraid if my own success.