Role Model

When I was 6 years old my parents got me and my brother together and told us they were getting a divorce. I can't say I remember much of the details but it is an event that shaped my life. My parents went separate ways and my father took custody of my brother and me. While I maintain relatively good contact with my mother with letters and some phone calls my brother really shut down and didn't talk to her as much. He was older so maybe he was a bit more aware of the change and I was just too young to even get upset. But the thing that lasted was that we both had issues with women.

I didn't date at all and my brother was often overly attached to girls in high school. And like our father his first marriage came at a young age and failed several years later and just like my brother I married young and then divorce several years later. This wasn't something just by coincidence. It came from the relationship our parents had with us. In our cases we both had attachment issue with women. We worshiped them just long enough so we could blame them later when we failed. It was both cruel to them and to us.

So as I look at my two young girls and I wonder how can I stop the chain its pretty simple. Support them. Let them know that they are more than the circumstances that surround them. They are in control of their emotions and they control the rise an fall of their mood. I recently enrolled them in summer ballet and it make a difference.

Getting kids involved in something they enjoy builds self image and lets them focus their energy into an activity, even if it is for an hour, that brings them some joy, some escape. And it increases their chances that they will be social healthy and not cling to the first guy that comes their way. We have to be role model for this as well. Even when I get angry at their mother I have to remind myself that she gave them to me. And they look to us for support and if I act disrespectful to her in any way it reflects on them and they begin to doubt themselves and the family they came from. And going through a broken home myself it not how I want to raise my children.

And though not every child goes through a divorce every child does look to the relationship of their parent for cues as to how to relate with other people. So be respectful. Don't make condesending jokes, don't lie, or stay out late and make people worry. Show your kids what it takes to be an adult and its likely to come back in a big way when they are grown up and maybe they'll even thank you for it.

Poem: Open House

This open house
Use to hold so much in it
Potential, joy and love
Now it is gone
Now it is filled only with memories
It is big and beautiful.
But half empty
No longer filled with the things once held so precious
Now just a monument to a broken family
The doors are open to strangers who stay for a while and then leave
Never adding
Only looking and taking what they came with
But as every soul enters
It reminds the house that it will flourish again
It only takes a little love to fill this open house.

Poem: Look at me

And on every saturday.
Me and my daddy like to play
It's so much fun to do
I can't wait to show you.
Look at me I'm dancing
Look at me I'm flying
Look at me I'm singing
Look at me I'm climbing
My daddy see all of the fun
Things that I can do.
And he gets so excited he want to do them too.
Look at daddy jumping
Look at daddy running
Look at daddy sweating
Look at daddy resting.
We have so much fun but I can plainly see.
It take a lot of energy for daddy to keep up with me.
So sometime I wait for daddy
And make sure he gets plenty to drink
And when he is ready to go again he give me a wink
And then we are back to running jumping and playing
And daddy can't wait to do it again next week, at least that's what mommy keeps saying.
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

Poem: Wake up

Before school everyday
I turn on your light and I say

"Time to get up and show me some love
It's time for your wake up hug."
"I'll pick you up you'll each get a turn
And squeeze you tight while you squirm."

And you say, "Aw dad, I'm still so tired.
But thanks for the offer. I was so inspired."

"You kids are my morning cup of joe".
"I give you hugs cause I love you so"

"We know dad. You mean so well
and love your hugs I'm sure you can tell"
"But can we sleep just a little bit more."
"It not like you've never hugged us before"

"Nope it's time to get up and get on your way.
Daddy's gotta work and you've got a test today"

So they rise and shine and stumble out of bed.
With hair all a mess and flat on their heads.
They finish up their cereal and get all dress.
Then hop in the car. Hope for the best.

And at school we all say our goodbyes.
And I give them a hug again and they don't even ask why.
And for five days straight I do it again.
Giving them a hug every morning.

Sometimes they complain sometime they just do it.
But I just smile all the way through it.
And when Saturday comes. No one wakes them up.
So they sleep in without being disrupt.

But they both have an idea that causes them both to snicker.
As they sneak down the hall their smiles grow bigger.
They open daddy's door and shout out "Surprise"
And surely I am by the size of my eyes.

They say, "Good Morning dad. It's time for our wake up hug"
And they both cuddled with me. I am truly loved.

Poem: Its tough being a girl

Its tough being a girl
Most thankless job in the whole wide world
Labor pains
And varicose veins
Emotional swings
"I lost an ear ring"
What am I going to do?

Its tough being a girl.
Sometimes my mind is just a swirl
With anxiety
Why can't I just let things be?
Instead I get involved
And yet nothing is solved
I just end up drained
With a splitting migraines
Why do I care so much?

From mom pants
To mothering genes
I care so much more
Then I receive.
But I wouldn't trade it for the world.
But its so tough being a girl.

Poem: Trashed

You are always handing me your problems
Then pushing me away.
Its like you live on drama momma.
Creating it all around.
Like a dumpster diver spreading trash on the ground.
I'm trying to support you.
Do the best I can.
But I'm not your receptacle
I'm your loving man.
So stay out of the drama
Just look at your what you can control.
And you will find peace in your life.
And freedom in your soul.

McDonald's Playland

One of the coolest things about not having legs is I can go most places an adult can't. One of those places is the McDonald's playland. I don't do it too often but on this day it was about brunch and there was no body there. I had taken the day off to be with my daughter that didn't have school that day. She was so excited to have me come along and join her. It was also a special treat me. I got to follow her around at her level and see the world as she does. Now this is pretty common as I don't have legs but it was rare to have her all alone in a place adults are usually in unless they are dragging their kid out of a tube to go home. She showed me which tunnel she liked and the part at the top where the kids can hang out. She explained which slide was th best and how sometimes she would rather climb down the gym and go up the slide. It was a learning experience but most importantly it let her teach me something about her and show off her creativity. I treasure the time I spend with my girls and I encourage anyone to go inside the gym sometime or get on the playground. Maybe you'll learn something. Maybe not. But I'm sure you will have a good time either way.

Poem: Full moon

I look up to the night sky
And often ask the question why?
Why is the moon full?
Why do the stars shine?
Did the moon have too much to eat?
And other thoughts cross my mind?
Why is space so dark?
Why are there rings on Saturn?
Did someone turn off the sun when I sleep?
Why are star in a pattern?
Is there an end of the universe?
How long does it take to get there?
Why is the sun on fire.
Why shouldn't I stare?
There so many question I have to ask.
So much I wonder why?
But I better ask my science teacher
Because I think my mom is gonna cry.

BWOL - Being noticed

All I ever wanted was to walk into a room and not be noticed. It seems like a simple thing. But when you are 3 and a half feet tall. People tend to stare. Its not out of disgust, more likely curiosity, but it is staring just the same. You would think I'd be use to it by now. After all I was born without legs over 30 years ago and in that time I've entered a lot of rooms. Every new school. Every new job. Every store and every doctor's office. But it wasn't so bad. Its not like I was ever sick. Its not like I was in any real pain. Just in a fish bowl. With the whole world looking in. And I learned to take these eyes and give them something to look at. Something to enjoy. I was funny or I did tricks. I would show them cool thing that only a guy of my size could do. And suddenly it was pretty cool to me the new guy. The boy without legs.

Amazing video about model without legs

One on one

We had both of our kids very close to each other , only 21 months apart, which has presented an issue that I hadn’t really notice until yesterday. My youngest (4)daughter is being over shadowed by my oldest (5 ½). Usually my oldest is quite vocal and dominates all activities and even keeps her little sister on track. Because the little on generally hasn’t expressed too much opinion I just go with it. But the little ones daycare was closed so I took the day off work to spend with her and it was absolutely delightful. I had two people comment about how much energy she had and how talkative she was. Normally, this isn’t so apparent due to her sister always vying for attention. I was so excited to see my little one really voicing her opinions which let me to wonder if I was missing it before or if she really lets her sister take over. So I’m going to try and spend more one on one time with her and see if I can get this glowing personality out of her while her sister is still around. I’ll see how it goes and report back when I can.

Play with your kids on their level

When I go to the mall I see the strangest thing... Ok maybe I'm the odd ball. But all the parents are sitting back typing on their cell phones while their children are running wild on the play center. They are bumping into each other and launching off foam objects and generally not being watched. I see this all first hand from my kids perspective because I'm on the ground in the middle of it all playing with them.

So yes its the #1 advantage of being born with out legs. I can play anywhere my kids play. And wow it is fun, also a good work out and the kids love it. Not just my kids but all the kids. And its great to give me a chance to see the world as they do and really enjoy it with them on their level. I know its something special that I do for them and I would encourage all adults to get up off the sidelines whether it is in the play land or anywhere else and join their kids. Have fun and really pay attention to them while they are young. You will appreciate it as much as they will.
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

Cheer yourself up

Have you ever felt sad and have someone say, "Cheer up. " I'm sure it didn't really work and depending on your mood it may have made you more angry. People that are angry or stressed don't need cheering up. It's only a form of denial. What they need is to fully embrace their problem. A more helpful thing to say is, "Do you want to talk about this or do you want some space to process your feelings?" This gives the angry person a chance to focus on themselves which is usually a part of why they are angry. When we deny ourselves something or put others needs before our own we feel an imbalance and it can be expresses with anger at others and ourselves. People around the angry person could offer to take the kids or them self out for a walk and give the angry person time to reflect on the source of the anger. The person will immediately recognize it is not anyone's fault but their own.

Again it is not anyone's job to cheer someone up. Only they control their emotions. They are in control of their life and have to deal with this fact rather than placing blame before they can move forward and begin dealing with the problems that surround their anger.
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

Accepting love

When I met my present girlfriend I was wrapping up a divorce that had not ended in hate but rather a lack of love. My Ex told me there was “No more passion in our relationship”.

While it was heartbreaking to hear her say I understood completely. We were not loving each other the way that two people should and we were suffering as a result. Also we were setting a horrible example for our kids by providing a home without the foundation of love.

I came from a home of reserved feelings. We didn’t talk too much about love or show too much affection. And many times there was anger in the home.

So when my girlfriend was just pouring affection onto me I became resistant. I thought it was just a show she was putting on for herself. My Ex use to call us soul mates and dump affection on me very early in our relationship. But I knew it came out of fear of abandonment and a desire for security rather than real love.

So just in how my girlfriend’s love was a natural tendency for her, mine was a tendency to question. So as my new relationship continued and her love never dwindled, I went to her and expressed my fear that her love came from a less than genuine place. But it was just my own denial. The fact that I didn’t love myself enough, prevented me from seeing her love as real. And she expressed that she could love me anyway she pleased and that it was from her joy and the joy of having me in her life and that I needed to let go of the resistance.

As soon as I did the flood gates open. Not only did I cry tears for all the pain I was letting go. I also expressed real joy. I really embraced the feeling of being loved and I was overcome by my own acceptance of the things that were true. I could no longer deny her love and I was able to return it in equal measure. By looking myself in the mirror and asking the questions: “Why would I resist love, why would I question love, what would happen if I let love into my life?” And suddenly, I was no longer able to deny it. And when I quit fighting love wins.

Ultimately we need to love ourselves. As we see that we are worthy of being loved and then begin to love ourselves it becomes so easy to accept love and then we actually begin to produce love.

I’m so glad that laid down my defenses and allowed love into my heart and into my everyday life. The result has been life changing.

Poem: Trashed
By Pasqual Torres

You constantly say you love me then smack me in the face.
You are always handing me your problems
Then pushing me away.
Its like you live on drama momma.
Creating it all around.
Like a dumpster diver spreading trash on the ground.
I'm trying to support you.
Do the best I can.
But I'm not your receptacle
I'm your loving man.
So stay out of the drama
Just look at your what you can control.
And you will find peace in your life.
And freedom in your soul.

This is the first draft of my boy without legs logo. I changed a no skateboarding sign into a boy without legs skateboarding. I thought it
was pretty cleaver.

Poem: Let Go
By Pasqual Torres

Let go of the past
Its gone and forgotten.
Let go of regret
Before your insides are rotten
Let go of your fear
They can't help you now
Let go of the shame
I show you how.
Let go of the problem that bogs you down.
Let go of the chains that tie you to the ground.
Let go of that anger and bitterness.
And come into the light and you will feel weight less.
Let go just trust and feel.
Let go so it will all be real
Let go so that you can finally see.
That letting go of all this will set you free.
And then you can be happy.
And have room to hold on to me.

Poem: Push
By Pasqual Torres

Where are you sweetie
Where are you dear
You pushed yourself away with all of your fear.
You curled up in a ball
And cried yourself silly
But is this what you want
Is it really?
Are you running away.
Or just running on empty.
Are you too stressed to stay
Or is something missing
Where are you sweetie
Where are you dear
Follow your heart
Don't follow your fear.
You had a safe place with me
And now you're looking to be free?
I can honestly say it has nothing to do with me.
So go on your journey
I hope you find what you're looking for.
But when you return
Please don't knock on my door
I'm not your savior
I'm just a man
That offered you love.
And did all that I can.
To make you understand
That you are safe...
with...
me.

Dream to reality

I had a dream that you didn't love me.
It made me so angry.
Why did you treat me so poorly.
You said its just a dream, just a dream.

I had a dream you cheated on me.
And did it so blatantly.
I could not believe it was true.
But I'm still very mad at you.
You said its just a dream, just a dream.

I had this dream you broke up with me.
It seemed so much like reality
It mad me sad and I cried when I awoke
And I called you and we spoke. And you said its just a dream, just a dream.

I had a dream I was with a wonderful man
Who always guided me by the hand.
I told him all my horrible dreams.
And then he decided not to be with me.
He said he hated getting blamed all the time.
For these crazy dreams of mine.
And I knew this would happen eventually.
Cause I saw it all in a dream.
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

Trading Places

Its funny how things change as you get older.
Everything I use to think was funny then is dumb now and visa versa. People I thought that were cool are now less than cool and so on. So it makes me wonder what my kids will think of me when I get older. And if they will think I was a cool dad or not. And if they will change their minds when they get older. Its hard to say. I'll just have to wait and see. But I do know that if i do my best to be honest with them and show them how much I love them I don't have to worry question what I did. And thats what is important. If I can look them in the eye as adults and say that i did the best I could with the information i had at the time then I'll be satified.