It's Not Going to Kill You

"Accidents happen", "People make mistakes", "Get over it". These are phrases people have come up with to help us understand how flawed we are as humans. So why is it these words never seem to bring us any comfort?

We say "Yeah, I know" and then privately wish we had made a different choice or think we are a screw up. But where does that get us? Does beating our self up because we forgot to pay a bill get the bill paid or make us any better at remembering to do it next time? Not likely.

So first step is to say. Did this screw up hurt anyone? If it did spend your energy helping them not condemning yourself.

Next ask if I did it again would it kill me? Usually not. So let it go. As we really rationalize the occurrence we see it's not a big deal. Life will go on and the next screw up is just around the corner so why not embrace it for what it is. Your unique imperfection. It's a charming quirk about you that makes you different. You can accept it or deny it but it’s you.

The great part about accepting our mistakes, our quirks and ourselves is it gives us a whole new sense of freedom. It's not a license to be reckless but it is a chance to say "Whatever, I'll live through this. "

A side effect is people will see you differently: a person that can handle anything, doesn't lose their cool, really embraces life. And now not only are your problem suddenly melting away other people are beginning to see you as an authority on happiness. So what went from something isn't going to kill you just became a small change in attitude that will enrich your life and you may actually live longer and stronger.

So don’t sweat the small stuff. Who knows maybe it hurts for a second but it’s not going to kill you.

 "Accidents happen", "People make mistakes", "Get over it". These are phrases people have come up with to help us understand how flawed we are as humans. So why is it these words never seem to bring us any comfort?

We say "Yeah, I know" and then privately wish we had made a different choice or think we are a screw up. But where does that get us? Does beating our self up because we forgot to pay a bill get the bill paid or make us any better at remembering to do it next time? Not likely.

So first step is to say. Did this screw up hurt anyone? If it did spend your energy helping them not condemning yourself.

Next ask if I did it again would it kill me? Usually not. So let it go. As we really rationalize the occurrence we see it's not a big deal. Life will go on and the next screw up is just around the corner so why not embrace it for what it is. Your unique imperfection. It's a charming quirk about you that makes you different. You can accept it or deny it but its you.

The great part about accepting our mistakes, our quirks, ourselves is it gives u a whole new sense of freedom. It's not a license to be reckless but it is a chance to say "Whatever, I'll live through this. "

A side effect is people will see you differently. The person that can handle anything, doesn't lose their cool, really embraces life. And now not only are you problem suddenly melting away other people are beginning to see you as an authority on happiness. So what went from something isn't going to kill you just went to this small change in attitude will enrich your life and you may actually live longer and stronger.

Remove Fear and Open Up Conversation

My goal with BoyWithoutLegs is to create openness and awareness of the topic of disability. In an effort to create an environment of acceptance and removing lingering feelings of fear. Additionally, give disabled people a feeling of empowerment.

Growing up as a disabled child I didn't have any disabled role models. I wasn't aware of any disabled books for children. My main contact with other disabled people was the Shriner's hospital which I attended periodically for short visits usually lasting a day and no longer than 3 weeks.

The exposure at the hospital wasn't enough to give me a sense of security in the outside world but within it's walls it did allow me to be completely free to act without fear of being different.

Removing fear is important. I have written a story poem at www.BoyWithoutLegs.com called BoyWithoutLegs goes to the store which depicts a very real experience I have had with parents and children. Children have a natural curiosity but parents often create a fear in their kids preventing them to talk to me. In creating a fear it does not allow the curiosity to be satisfied and it may turn into distrust or shame. I would like to encourage kids to talk with others of all types and learn we are all people in different and wonderful ways and no matter what we look like we have similarities we can share and differences we can learn from and embrace.

Ultimately, acceptance is what many people desire. It's not solely about missing legs or a few fingers. It's about people looking at another person and appreciating them for their struggle, their differences, their knowledge they have gained from experiencing life differently.

If their is a forum where we pursue knowledge of others we can learn so much more. There are routines I do regularly to make tasks easier. Maybe I started doing something without knowing any other way. But as a community we can share these ideas and maybe everyone can contribute.

Also having a role model is important for anyone growing up. It gives children a relatable character to look up to and even strive to be. Without this a child can feel lost and without purpose. I am proud to say that I have been contacted by several people looking for a role model. And I'm happy to give them a direction. Ultimately, my message is that we have all the tools to be who we want to be but we just have to be brave enough to use them.

If I can inspire a person to say "hey I can do that" then I have made a difference.

Without Legs

I am in a continued argument with a prosthetics doctor who thinks I shouldn't encourage amputees to live a life without legs. This is my reply:
"I'm glad you brought up the point that prosthetics are a tool. Just as I see them as a tool. I use them everyday at work and sometimes if I go to play pool or something that requires legs. But just in the way someone wears shoes to hike and some to jog I feel there are times I use a skateboard and wheelchairs which are better suited. I like you are saying I am living half a live without legs when in fact I live a more full life. Just because I put on legs doesn't make me a more complete man. I am complete. It's about loving myself. If someone has self esteem issues maybe strapping some legs on makes them feel good. I go out with or without them depending on what I need to do. So the comfort comes from the same way someone may take off shoes. At the end of the day prosthetics are just shoes and I like to feel comfortable. If you think I need to experience legs a different way maybe I'll visit your office someday but it doesn't change the way I experience my life and I would rather encourage people to love their body then put faith in some artificial limb. I still take them off to swim, shower, have sex and sleep every night. It's more important that I love me then worry about my "shoes". I live a varied life and I like being on varied levels. Ignoring this is almost like being in denial. I don't think because I put on prosthetics I am any better, they just makes me taller. I am the same person either way."

In no way am I saying people shouldn't wear prosthetics. My C-legs are the best legs I have ever owned and I stop using a cane after only having them a few months. But what he continues to not see is that just like anything else being happy comes first and you can't replace human legs with metal parts. But you can accept that you can live a great life and have many experiences with or without legs and that is what I would like people to know about me. It doesn't mean others have to follow my lead. It's just offering some comfort to those that may feel they are incomplete. I am complete and that comes from loving me just the way I am.

Song parody: I need tech support

I was setting up my LAN
But had a bad connection
So grab my phone in my hand
To call for directions
Want someone to talk to, but they message said hold on
They say they want to help you,
Press # after your selection

Chorus:
I need tech support to help me
Tired of this robot business
I need tech support for some guidance
What's ethernet? I can't find it
I feel so dumb
Can't get it right
Want to get online by the end of the night
I need tech support to help me, please help me
(End Chorus)

Get shuffled in their transferring game, they don't even refer to me by name
I want a human to answer
This is not how good service should treat you
I sit and wait to get thru
I'm getting a headache too
But I just wait

Repeat Chorus:

On hold I am so miserable
So tired, angry and in denial
I think they will be helpful
But they lieing, now I'm crying
I should have just kissed a nerd!

Repeat Chorus

Let kids be kids

They say youth is wasted on the young because they don't recognize how good they have it until they are grown up.

This is usually because kids can be sheltered by their parents and they want to grow up as soon as possible.

I certainly see the validity of protecting your kids from harms way. But still encourage their growth. Allow them to learn from small failures while they are young and they will show maturity in dealing with the situation. Allow them to do a few things without close supervision to see how they deal with a situation. Not all kids can handle the freedom but some will certainly surprise you.

While I made a few mistakes that I wish I could have changed I learn a great deal more about my character by dealing with the situation. My father was great in how he was more like a safety net then a handcuff. He would often sit me down after I made a mistake and ask me what I learned. Sometimes he would have me write an apology letter to the a person I harmed with my mistake. By going over what I had done I learned where I went wrong. I'm thankful my father had this wisdom to let me be a kid and not just punish me but actually discuss the issue.

On the other side of the coin I did do a lot of growing up too soon. Part of being this is from coming out of a divorced family. And I know my dad wanted to grant me independence but sometimes I really just needed to be told that I was loved. So there is a balance to this parenting and it shifts all the time. But with the right mix your child will be grateful and they will be an independent adult that makes thoughtful decisions. And you'll be thankful for that too.

Little cloud

[Spoken Word]
I see a little cloud soaring above the mountain top
So white
So fluffy
Yet so alone.
It has freedom
It has grace
But it can not stop
Its can not stay
The wind tells it where to go
And it doesn't have the strength to fight it
So it flys away
Traveling without direction
Without intention
Just traveling
Until it fades away
Fades away

Poem: Its Just...

Its just a feeling
I have inside.
Its just the way
You look me in the eyes.
Its just when you hold me
And squeeze me tight.
Its just way you kiss me
Before we say good night.
Its just the feeling I get
That I know is true
Its just the way you smile
About the little things I do
Its just the way you giggle
From what you heard me say
Its just you leave me speechless
Every single day
Its just I sometimes ramble
As I often do
But I never have trouble
Just saying "I love you!"

"Shower the People you love with love"

"Show them the way that you feel", is a song by James Taylor and really speaks of a way to lives a joyful live. But its stops short. I think it should continue to say shower yourself with love. "Jump in the shower and join them", so to speak. We always must start with loving ourselves before we can love others.

Every morning when I am in the shower I imagine every drop coming out of the shower head is love pouring over me. Soaking me with joy and warmth. I rub it into my hair and all over me and absorb it like pure energy and light.

Its love and it cost nothing and you can create as much as you want. Its truly a renewable resource. So try this tomorrow. Imagine yourself being so washed with love that it is dripping off of you. Tell yourself what you love about you and then go and share this with others. Tell them what you love about them and what you love about yourself. As you begin to share you'll notice that you produce more love for yourself and the more you practice this the more love you make.

And watch as the little problems you have don't matter and some fall away completely. Because when you focus on your energy, your life, your love very little matters and you begin to shine so brightly that you will attract people that want to know your secret. And most won't believe you. But that's fine. When they are ready they will understand, you can't force it. Just continue with yourself and love will find its way to the people that want it. And then you'll be the shower soaking people you love with love.

I have no legs, I have no legs

Being born without legs isn't like begin paralyzed. It’s not like having my legs cut off due to come illness or injury. Being born without legs is quite different.

First of all is quite obvious I don't suffer from a post traumatic stress. I don't relive the moment I found out I didn't have legs and I don't miss anything, like phantom sensations or like not being able to run.

In fact, I like not having legs. It's not real glamorous aside from the upfront parking and getting to go up in line at the airport (and then thoroughly checked). And there are a lot of things can be difficult to do but as a whole the experiences are different and my expectations have been skewed. Some people expect me to be shy or anxious about who I am. Some people expect me to wish I was just like them. Some people think oh poor guy, he must be suffering. And strangely enough I have been guilted by some people for asking for help or expecting any special treatment. I'd like to address all these angles.

I'm not really shy. While I don't go out of my way to be in the spotlight. I have been in a hospital since I was 2. Having doctors look, x-ray, poke and study me tends to lower your inhibitions. I've shared this with a few people and they found it to be frightening while I really didn't think of it more than any other doctor's visit. Now this certainly doesn't mean I'm the first guy to take his shirt off and shout out crazy stuff at a party or football game but it does mean I usually speak my mind. I like to be heard and I will give my opinion. Most importantly I have learn to ask for what I need when I need it both emotionally and physically. So when I'm at the store and you see me, sometimes on my skateboard because I like to travel that way sometimes I might just look over at you and ask if you can get something off the top shelf. Please don't be shy. You can look at me in the eye and if your kids ask me what happened to my legs give me a chance to answer them. I think it’s important that we all deal with the reality of the situation and not shy away that sometimes people are born differently. And it’s not always pretty but it is their life and they deserves to be treat just the same as everyone else.

Some people think I should wear my prosthetic legs all the time or at the very least be in a wheelchair, not ride around on a skateboard. This deal a lot about what people are use to or their expectations. They think well why wouldn't you want to walk around. isn't life easier with legs? I say I don't know I only have prosthetic legs. They say Well then why aren't you wearing them now or all the time? And I reply because not everything is easier and sometimes I'm in a rush and sometimes they aren't comfortable. I don't mind being the guy without legs, if you have an issue with it then maybe we need to sit down and have a heart to heart. I can't name the number of people that think having legs makes them somehow better. I'm telling you that life is about perspective and I can see the world down low and up high or from a wheelchair if that's what I feel like. its seeing all these level that really gives you an experience. And sometimes it’s not about doing it the easy way. Sometimes it’s just about doing it the way you want to get it done. And I'm very thankful that I have the opportunity to do things differently and see what most people are missing.

Some people think oh poor guy, he must be suffering. I'm not in pain. I didn't have a tragic event take my legs from me. I was raises in a relatively normal family so I'm not emotionally scared. I went to normal school and had plenty of friends. I wasn't really involved with girls but I've had a few meaningful relationships with women. So please don't look at me with pity, instead look at me with the same joy I have. That I'm out of the house, usually with my kids doing something fun and really getting a lot out of life. The fact that I’m completely aware of the blessing that I have should be enough to tell you I'm doing well for myself and I look around every corner for more opportunity to expand my experience and embrace life. It doesn't take more than a positive attitude to really change the way we see things. So next time you see me, say hello, sit down on the ground with me if you want and tell me a funny story or ask me a question. I'd like that and you'll probably like it too.

Some people have guilted me for asking for help or expecting any special treatment. Now I understand that I am fully capable of doing many things but I have actually been told me a few people that I need to do something without their help. I find the notion disheartening. It’s not that I can't do everything. Many time there are things that I would prefer not to do. But really its them saying well he isn't helpless and if I help him he is going to become too dependent on other people. That is not the case. I think everyone needs help. In fact at anytime you see someone struggling you should do what you can to give them a hand. You don't have to do it all but say, hey can I help you and many times the person will be overjoyed and some people will turn you away. But the point is that offering is fine. I use to think I would show the world I could do everything but now I know better. We as a people are a community and the more we help and the more we share the more we all benefit.

And finally I'd like to say that I'm over joyed to be dealing with my disability up front. I think some people hide in the shadows with their issues and hold them in shame rather than offer them up for surrender. People aren't all that different. Sharing your pain allows you to release it and then find others and eventually let it go and teach others how to move forward as well. Sometimes I use laughter and joke and sometimes I write serious poetry. In all cases I am dealing with these issues and I hope anyone reading this learn the same lesson I have. Be open to your feelings and you will really begin to feel what it’s like to be living.

Parody Song: It's not Humane (Killers- Am I Human)

I didn't before notice
When we all stood in a line
On the platform open to the sky
Next to some other of my own kind
I started to get nervous
When the big guy opened up the door
Opened my eyes, cleared my throat
Fly out the door

Chorus:
Is this humane?
Just because I have antlers?
I have a harness
And a red nose.
And I'm best friends with a guy named Dancer.
Is this humane?
Just because I have antlers?

What the heck?
I work every Christmas
Even when I'm naughty or nice

Give my best to make a difference.
But the big guy barely looks twice.

So I keep on flying higher
And not asking where to go

So say goodbye.
I wish you well.
I'm going home.

Repeat Chorus

Will the children be all right?
If I just took off this one flight?
I just can see me continuing this beating
For no pay and this stuff we're eating

Repeat Chorus

He's gotta let me go

Repeat Chorus

Is this Humane
Just because I have antlers?

Is this Humane
Just because I have antlers?